it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
