I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
