Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
