First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
