No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
