I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
