How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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