Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're earring is so big in my mouth
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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