and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
