Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
