You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
