so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
