Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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