my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
