Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
