Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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