hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
