Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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