I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
