I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
