Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's great music for shaving your balls
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
