I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
