If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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