If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
