The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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