if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
