Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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