please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
