THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
