Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
