thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
