I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
