You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
