I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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