I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
