Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
