Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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