Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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