fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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