i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize