dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
