I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
