Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
