She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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