How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
