Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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