i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
