I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
