I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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