What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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