my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
