Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
