He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
