marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
