i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
