Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
