great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
