I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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