I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
