The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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