I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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