with your own penis?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I want is dick and wine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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