found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize