Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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