Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
