maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize