in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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