also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
