My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
