Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
