Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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