her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
