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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
