apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
