the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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