don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
