..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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