Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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