the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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