I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
