Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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