I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
