I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize