what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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