Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
