I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize