When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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