I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
