She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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