The maid of honor just puked.
someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
