His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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