my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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