In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
