I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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