meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize