i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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