just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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