Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
