If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
