It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
