he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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